What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
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Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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