Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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