Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
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He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
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I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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