I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize