I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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