i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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