I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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