Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
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No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
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Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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