a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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