Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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