I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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