An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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