I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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