I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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