My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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