I didn't shave. On purpose
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize