just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
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If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
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I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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