So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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