I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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