I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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