I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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