just come out here and I will go home with you...
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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