Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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