i just google imaged poop.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize