you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
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She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
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I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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