Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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