It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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