Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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