Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I didn't notice because vodka
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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