you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
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Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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