this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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