i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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