I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
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I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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