We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
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okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
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Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
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