Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
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she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize