just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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