I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
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That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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