Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
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That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
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Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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