Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize