Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize