Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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