Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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