Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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