oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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