Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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