I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
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Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
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the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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