Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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