if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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