Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize