the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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